why i am too old to go to general admission shows, and the dos and do nots of concert attendance.

my amazing friend rachel was in town this weekend, and we were quite excited about our tickets to see jimmy eat world and david bazan. we had a plan. we arrived early and camped out stage left. short girls have to take a wide stance at shows so we don't get stepped on. so we did, and we held our ground. during bazan's set, we watched the couple in front of us consume over four drinks each, get in some snogging, all while she showed him photos on her phone - of her dog, wedding dresses, things on facebook, etc. he then yelled at her to stop. then came the set change, and we were caught in a full court press of place stealers who didn't get there early to get their spot.

(1. i can't go to general admission shows because people are so overly rude, late, and tall.)

(2. i can't go to general admission shows because people pay their money, and yet wave around their facebook, phones, and photos to the detriment of other concert goers. like me.)

Snogging Couple became Snuggling Couple, and quite a wobbly one. every time Snuggle Pants would put his arm around Wobbly Girl, he would come an inch from bashing rachel in the nose. so i politely told him so - "hey buddy, you probably aren't aware, but each time you hug your girl, you're close to smacking my friend in the nose." i did my best to be really sweet. his response? a resounding "WE WERE HERE FIRST!" rachel is much quicker on her feet and retorts 'we were here sober!' - which did nothing for me keeping a straight face.

(3. i can't go to general admission shows because people get drunk and stupid.)

he turns around and immediately throws the elbow up and around Wobbly Girl. good thing rachel is scrappy and quick - she dodged the elbow. no small feat considering we were being squashed by rude, tall, late-comers. at this point, Wobbly Girl is woozing around a bit. in order to keep myself less squished, i had put up my dukes to keep my parts to myself. i basically am holding her up with my forearms at this point. suddenly, Snuggle Pants, whips around and starts yelling at me about having my !@#$-ing elbows in his girlfriend's back. my shock was mirrored on the faces of those who watched the rest of this go down. my favorite demand was that i tell him how many songs bazan did, with no opportunity to respond - he must have been convinced there had been no one standing behind them for the past 30 minutes? he spewed profanity and threats... spouting about them being there first, how i should stop causing a scene, (?) more profanity and threats to my person, etc. i'm watching the utter hatred on his face and, despite the "adrenaline rush" of being publicly cussed out, i felt desperately sad. i also knew that any reasonable problem solving steps would never happen with a mean drunk.

(4. i can't go to general admission shows because i feel really sad for foolish people.)

the yelling stopped and he continued being angry, but at least was facing forward. Wobbly Girl was now leaning on me full force, and turning around telling me to move back. now i'm firmly wedged between her and Large Guy behind me, so there is literally nowhere to go.

(5. i can't go to general admissions shows because i don't want to get squished and have great anxiety of getting squashed like a grape)

(6. i can't go to general admission shows because i didn't pay good money to have one of my favorite band's performance ruined by a really really mean person)

rachel and i ended up wiggling thru the crowd to some fresh air and nicer faces. my calves ache from being on tiptoes, but at least we were surrounded by people joyously singing every word, and having a great time. it really was an amazing set, and it's such a drag that the mean guy will get none of my earthly justice....

i would write a list of dos and do nots of concert attendance, but i will just suffice to say a few things.

i really don't want to see your tongue moving around in someone else's mouth. really. no, really. why are you at a show if you are just going to be on facebook the entire time? remember the good ol' days when people just used their phones as really expensive lighters? be aware of your surroundings. your super nice phone is quite bright/annoying/distracting as you update your status.

dear jimmy eat world, i love your shows because you have just as much fun as the crowd, everyone sings along because you write great songs, and it's always been ridiculously great experience. i am tore up because i love live music, and it's reason #7 why i'm too old to go to general admission shows... because i am too old. sigh.