did that just happen?

so this just happened at inglewood kroger:

Mr. Rump Patter - "well, aren't you cute, did you wait all summer to look cute in that hat?"

me - "heckyesidid!!!" insert haha neighborly banter. I took note of his good-looking-ish-ness at the exact moment of... this moment: now here happened a slide and pat motion with full palm contact, and me at 7 full seconds of freeze frame.

and action!

I swirled my index finger in the air at him.... "' 'scuze, did you just pat my rump?"

Mr. Rump Patter, apparently not expecting to be questioned, averts his glance and attempts to swerve down another aisle before I could get my fist to his face. He succeeds only because I am too stunned to move.
me - "UNACCEPTABLE SIR!!!!!" (it was the first thing that came to mind)

I was trying to decide whether or not I was going to explode when I feel eyes on me. Slowly I turn to see a rumpled looking woman with a big grin and her hand perched upon her hip. She leans forward. I expect a moment of camaraderie.... it was not to be....
Rumpled - "oooo honey, if an attractive man like that patted my ass, I would give him my number!"
me - "for SERIOUS??????" this came out at a much higher pitch and decibel than I anticipated. She sauntered a wide berth around me, complete with a side eye and reproachful "mm-hm girl." As she passed, I noticed her navy blue tee airbrushed in neon pink: "you wish you were with me."

You can't make this stuff up.

Notes: go Krogering during daylight hours. have faster reflexes.